2018 please be kind

2017 is going to end soon.

One of the most complicated year.

First half spent in Japan (until August)

and the second one in Poland.

This year consisted of both

the most beautiful as of the most painful 

moments in my life so far.

Still nothing is solved and my life is on the verge.

Last year New Year Eve 2016/2017

on Kaya live with my beloved friend Ale.

Then shrine visit, visual kei bar and New Year's sales.

Full of emotions, dreams and plans.

 

 

This year? It is not even worth posting pics.

Nothing happens.

This is not the problem.

The problem is that lately I do not have power to allow anything happen.

That I prefer it not happening.

I prefer not leaving house.

I can only wait for my fate to change...

What I wish myself for New Year is to fall in love with life again.

Not be afraid to leave my home. Meet people. Make challenge.

Have some dreams. Feel the love for my passions again.

Lolita clothes, ballet classes – even if I do it lately it is like obligation.

I do not have any pleasure in it.

I do not have pleasure in anything.

I want to wake up without the tiredness and senselessness.

I want to see sense in doing things.

I do not want finding putting on make-up as a difficult dusk.

I want to be stronger and do not escape in overeating and medicines.

I want to live with passion, beauty and harmony.

In the past I was able to aesthetisice pain.

In my current situation there is not even the ray of beauty.

It is dark, ugly, pitiful.

Please 2018 be kind to me.

Let me be able to continue it with pleasure or end it all.

Right now situation...I can not stand anymore.

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